History of robots
The history of robots includes the history of robots and robots' history and how their history is and exactly what the history for robots was like and why robots have history and such things like that. The first robot, Patrick the Robot (1450-1492) Robots were invented by Leonardo da Vinci in 1492 (EVERYTHING happened in that year) when he was eating a donut, listening to his iPod, drinking beer in a bar, and he realized that he had absolutely NO life and that he would not be able to destroy the world like his mom and dad wanted him to, so he invented the first robot and named it Patrick (ever heard of Patrick the Robot? It was on Dora the Explorer and Elmo's World. Like seriously, even Sesame Street mentioned it a time or two. Really? Well what the fuck?). Patrick the Robot would star as the main character and/or theme of several movies, including The Terminator, I, Robot and even Iron Man (yes, Iron Man). These three movies are what gained him significance and what made Leonardo da Vinci famous so he went back to painting and then everyone hated him again. The thing is, though, Leonardo da Vinci is a very slow artist and so it took him forty-two years to build this robot and he worked day and night for all those years, too, and that's really saying something. He really is that slow. Just like Michelangelo. It took Michelangelo like fifty years to buiild the 16th Chapel. How the fuck? Leonardo's attempt at a second robot (1493-1499) Leonardo da Vinci, after building that one, thought he might be able to build a better one that was "more advanced" and "more sophisticated" (he was interviewed on TV for a special program, in 1492) in which he also stated: :"Yes, as I stated before, I would like for my robot to be more sophisticated and advanced. My father was a robot and I would like to build one in order to dominate and take over the world, and then destroy it. I am a good, shy, non-aggressive person who wants to bring peace to this world. However, I have no clue how I will be able to do this in six years. It fucking took me forty-two years just to build my other robot. No way could I do it that fucking fast. Nevermind, I give up." :—the interview that Leonardo da Vinci was engaged in, in 1492. So yes, he never ended up building another robot, and instead, he killed himself by jumping off a cliff one day when he was drunk and thought he was a robot and would not get hurt. But he died. Oh well. Sad. A growth in the robot population (1500-1751.3) After scientists made the second robot (Jenny the Sexy-ish-ish Robot) and it died from morbid obesity, they decided to invent two robots and create three genders for the robot "species": male, female, and shemale. A shemale could fuck anybody (i.e. another shemale, a male, a female, a lion, dolphin, tiger) while a male and a female could only fuck the opposite of one another. This chart shows the amount of robots there were at a given time. Yes. Study it. Analyze it. It will be on your History test tomorrow, so make sure you know what we're talking about here. So after the growth of robots came and there were like fifteen billion (that's 15 billion, by the way) robots developed via sexual intercourse, there was suddenly a large explosion that destroyed all of them except for two and that occurred in the year 1751.3. The Lost Robot Years (1751.4-1876.7732319) The Lost Years were ones in which robots didn't hardly exist and they were instead introduced to slavery (the wrong end of slavery throughout all these years and there were only like six left during this time and they were all on Futurama, but Bender wasn't one of them. The robots during this time were also a lot more underweight and malnurished; some because they looked in the mirror and were like "oh what the fuck I look like a fucking fatty" and others had anerexia. So yeah. Humans build an environment for the robots to stay in and stuff (1877-1879) Humans decided that robots were a threat to the world (and especially China) so they made an underground city for them to all live in that was fucking dug by the robots themselves earlier during slavery, and the humans were the ones who got credit for it "because it was a good idea". So the robots initially say that they will wipe out all of humanity and blow up America (and especially China) if the humans don't give them the technology they came up with so they made the F-U company create a whole bunch of stuff for the robots and they made them an underground world. The Robot-Revolutionary War(1880-1955) Development A war occured from robots protesting for civil rights and eventually the robots started fighting against each other and this quickly started enormously eliminating large amounts of robots from certain areas (they would drop R-Bombs (those are Robot bombs that would instantly kill a third of America and severely injure half of America). However, the very beginning of this war has been "calculated" to have started in about 1880 when this one robot accidentally blew up a police station and was sentenced to death but the executioners didn't know how to kill it (robots are covered in exteriors that are as strong and durable as diamonds are, just like Superman's cape) so they had to put him in prison, which he eventually escaped from in a Ferrari parked in the police chief's garage. This made robots start getting jealous of that guy and robot news reports say that this robot was the first robot who was able to escape its environment built by humans (it happened to be the Terminator) and he, after he got out of prison and stole the Ferrari, planned to take over the world and kill Sarah Conner before John Connor gets born (for some reason they send The Terminator right when she's pregnant with him and has little time to stop it INSTEAD of killing Sarah Conner as a baby; yeah, genius). Ending results So this made humans declare war on the robots. The humans lost but the robots promised they would stop killing the humans if they could have all the pizza they wanted so the humans said "alright" and so the robots got what they wanted. Japenese robots get cooler (1960-1999) The Japanese scientists, for many years, had been working very hard to make their robots beat all other robots out there so in 1960, because that's what geeks do (have robot wars). And it sorta happened and it sorta didn't because some Japanese robots weren't actually robots, they just said that they were, and saying that something's a robot doesn't actually make it a robot, despite popular belief. So the Japanese were just screwed right there and they had no idea what to do when a critic from America busted them so they turned to the Chinese and the Chinese were like "fuck you, you're on your own" so the Koreans helped them out and they were able to blame it on Canada and so now everybody hates Canada because they apparently make fake robots. The independence of all robots (2000-present) Thanks to a German scientist named Hirjassdlfj Fuckinaef, robots are now independent as an own nation underneath the Earth's surface and are said to be consistently intoxicated on weed. So yeah, now robots are independent. Hmm. That's gonna suck. See also *Robotics *Dance music